Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Lenten Season

I admit, I'm not the most diligent of Catholics. I go to church as regularly as I can... but I say that quite loosely. I profess to the Catholic faith, and I am a believer. Please, spare me the debate on theology and doctrine...all I know is that when I go to church, and I listen to the liturgy and homily, I feel spriritually fulfilled and enlightened. I do my best to live and be an example of the Word.

But when the Lenten season rolls around, I'm afraid to say, I'm a bit of a weakling. I choose the easiest thing to give up, and yet I almost always falter. I decided this year, I would choose some indulgence that would be difficult for me, that perhaps the sacrifice would ground me during this time.

Boy, did I need something to root me.

Going into this season before Easter, I felt like I was going through a mechanical existence. Roll out of bed, head to my computer, manage my work site, make phone calls for interviews, head out to take photos and more interviews and meetings, come back home and write stories, and then head back to bed. I missed true interaction -- the kind that was sincere, not because I needed a story out of someone. I missed planning events for my social life, I missed having time for random get-togethers after the work day was over, I missed going to the bookstore and browsing through covers, I missed sitting at a coffee shop-- not because I needed to file a story-- but because I just wanted to sit back, enjoy a latte or tea with a good book. I missed planning my next traveling adventure, my next creative goal, my next accomplishment.

But most of all, I missed my family, I missed my friends. I missed feeling...alive, looking forward to life, enjoying life.

Crazy, huh? I mean, there are so many ways to be creative with my new job, but being caught in a hectic schedule where you don't have much time for leisurely days for creative musings, you tend to feel...uninspired.

So, to rejunvenate my sense of self and enthusiasm, and reclaim a sense of balance, I started with the most important aspect of my life -- my spirituality. I feel like that is my foundation, my rock as they say in the liturgy.

I've made it a point to find some time to pray and feel a connection to Him. I've gone to church more regularly. And when Lent came around, I chose to give up meat.

But wait a minute, why give up something that I obviously enjoy? Isn't that counter-productive to previously said goal of "Enjoying Life"?

True, before this task set before me, I could not envision a complete meal without some sort of meat. I love meat, it is what all the great dishes are made of (sorry if you're vegetarian and you happen to read this...but like most of the cultures in this world, I eat meat). However, my vegetarian diet will include fish and seafood (that probably won't go over well with vegetarian purists out there)

But cutting out something I was basically dependent on in a way has been very liberating for me. While it was tough in the begining, I've found that I don't need meat to survive. That life has gone on without it, and I can put my life in perspective and find what really matters.

Not even in this recession, no job matters that much where you can't enjoy your family, your loved ones and life. Material things don't matter, and yes, not even meat. 

In the past few weeks, life has gotten much better, I've learned not to care -- as much -- at work. Surprisingly, it hasn't affected my performance that much (UV's are up, readership is up). I'm reading for fun again (almost done with the Color Purple by Alice Walker) and I'm going to the gym again (Alas, while I once ran 8 miles straight, one mile nearly killed me the other day). And my husband and I started doing more activities together, I spent some time with sister, talk to family on the phone more often, and I'm spending more time with friends. I'm planning a vacation to Canada with the hubby the summer, and a few days in Monterey in May. And, hey, look -- I'm writing in this blog again!

That must be a good sign!

Things are still very busy, work days are still long, but I'm starting to see the light.

I am very blessed.

Thank you, Lord.

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