How fast the time goes

It's quite sad that my last post was Dec. 15.

Four months into the new year, it seems I haven't had much time for anything else. I read my words and perspectives from just a few months before, and it's humbling. Here's an excerpt from a previous post:

"So, now I am on a conscious ongoing mission, to nurture my relationships, with not only my new husband, but with my family and friends. I need to pick up the phone and call the friend I've been putting off talking to. I need to drive over to my parents' place and see how they're doing. I need to spend time with my sister. I need to call my big sis in AZ. Oh, yeah, there's the family dog at my parents' place who is sorely in need of a walk.

I went to mass this past Sunday and I had a Judy Blume moment where I asked, "Are you there, God? It's me, Hazel. Yup, I know we haven't talked in awhile..."

I need to nurture the relationship with myself. finish that book I've been putting off reading. I need to actively pursue my life's goals and ambitions..."

So how have I done? Well, it's safe to say that I've ventured deeper into that hermit cave that I was so determined to make my way out of. My social balance that I was so sure to keep at a healthy level, has teetered so far into the "work" side.

My family and friends think that I have disappeared. It's not because I've wanted to. Not to blame the job or the career...Ok, I definitely think things could change....but I think it's up to me to figure out what to and how to fix this, because I don't think the calvary is going to save me from this funk.

1) I still enjoy my job. I am still grateful to be a journalist. I'm still figuring this thing out, and I have so much ambition and ideas. Sure, sometimes the frustration of a startup can get to me, but I'm determined not to let it beat me down...even when I've come close... many times. I have goals, and I am going to achieve them. But I am not going to foresake those more important to me -- family, my husband, my friends, my sanity -- to achieve them.

2) I can't let this become my life. I can't let anything consume me. I know my priorities, and although my career is important, it never should get in the way of family, friends, my health, my mind... I just have to learn when to let go. As one colleague said, "I've learned not to care as much, and things got so much better."

So my monthly goals? Before, they were so much more lofty -- like traveling to my next exotic destination, writing my first book. Right now I'm just focused on the simple things (and then hopefully work my up to the lofty stuff).
1) Sleep well
2) Eat well
3) Get down an exercise routine (yep, the marathon training? A casualty of this hectic new job)
4) Read a book (I don't think I've finished a non-work related book since my work web site launched)
5) Visit and communicate with my friends and family more.
6) Go to church regularly
7) Cook at least one new recipe
8) Walk the dog
9) Enjoy life


Not too much to ask, is it?

Is it?

Pursuing my "Happyness"



I recently wrapped up, after months of delay, Chris Gardner's inspirational story, "The Pursuit of Happyness."

Yes, I did see the Will Smith flick and, yes, it compelled me to read the novel. I'm glad I did, because reading it gave me more insight on the man who literally made a millions off of nothing (in his case, a negative bank account).

Also, reading the book made me think of my own "happyness" (if you read the novel or see the movie, the misspelling comes from a sign from his son's questionable daycare facility).

More than a year ago, I earned my masters in Communications from CSU Fullerton. I was a managing editor for an Asian American fashion and lifestyle magazine. Life was good. Then my magazine folded due to a lagging economy. After years of a career in journalism and communication, I was without a job. Living at home with the parents. Then I got married, and I was truly happy. But there was a part of me that wasn't quite complete. I felt like my professional career was at a stand still. While I enjoyed making a home for my hubby, and taking on culinary adventures in the kitchen while, previously, I lacked the time to do so, I felt there was more that I had to do.

I decided to volunteer, taking on projects with the Pacific Asia Museum in Pasadena. Being of Asian background, and my husband being both Asian and Pacific Islander, I've always been interested in API arts, culture and issues (one of my fave blogs is Angry Asian Man).

Then, slowly, I realized that I am happy. Even though I need a job, and want a truly satisfying career, it doesn't take away from the things I am truly blessed to have. I'm married to my best friend and soulmate (Cheesy, but true). I have a truly loving family that is continually growing (a niece will be born any day now!). I have friends that have been there for me throughout the years and continue to do so. I'm making new friendships and relationships I truly value. I'm savoring the little moments that I didn't have time to do before in between work and graduate school -- reading, cooking, writing, blogging, watching movies, even things like cuddling and taking afternoon naps with the hubby!

I haven't let being unemployed define me, and I think that has kept me sane, happy and has allowed me to truly enjoy the blessings I do have.

For that, I know I've found my "Happyness."

Remembering "The Day"

Source

I was rushing to get ready for class.

Dammit. I overslept again.

I headed toward the door of our dorm apartment when my roommate came rushing out of her room with a phone in her hand.

"Oh, my God!" She kept saying over and over again. "My mom called. A plane crashed into the Word Trade Center! There's no more building! It's gone!"

Whatever does she mean? No more World Trade Center? That's the tallest building in the world! She's always exaggerating. Silly girl.

I head to class. It's unusually sunny. The morning air is crisp. I even remember that birds were singing. Even as I rush to class, I remember that random detail. Everything seems peaceful. Like the most perfect morning.

I expect the class to be in full swing when I arrive. I hope to sneak into a chair in the back when the professor's back is turned.

As I walk in, the professor is sitting on the edge of her seat. Solemn. Everyone is quiet. The silence strikes me like running into a great wall.

The aid hands me a copy of a newswire report. I slowly sit down in my chair as the headline screams, "US Attacked, Hijacked jets destroy twin towers and hit Pentagon in day of terror."

I can't believe it. Even with a photo of dazed people covered in ash retreating from the World Trade Center site, I still can't believe it.

Some people in the classroom are in tears. Most are just like me, stunned.

The professor begins talking. We need to let out our feelings. Let's talk about it, she says. I don't hear much of what is said, until someone behind me says something about religion.

"It's things like this that makes me wonder why we even have religion," he says. "Religion has never done this world any good. It's started wars, murdered a lot of people, and this is just another example. When I think of Islam, I don't think of peace. I think of war. I don't understand why people would even adhere their lives to such hate."

I don't know what makes me raise my hand. Nothing has ever compelled me to speak in that class before. Early in my college years, I was much more shy than I am now. But something he said spurred all of my emotions of sadness, anger and fear. I'm griefstricken for all those who've died. I'm angry that people would be filled with such hate to do such an evil thing. I'm scared that someone can do that to me, to someone I love. I feel my fellow student's hurt. But I have to say something.

"Religion is not to blame," I say. "We can't blame religion for someone's misinterpretation of it. Islam calls for peace, not hatred. I believe that all faiths calls for love and understanding of one's neighbor. I am not Muslim, I'm Catholic. I don't attend mass every Sunday, but religion has been a big part of my life. It's enriched it, my core values of understanding, compassion and love have been developed through my religious background. I can't fault an entire religion because of the radical views of a few. But it's just tragic, so tragic, that those few can do so much harm."

Nine years later, the news runs images of Islamic extremists making new terrorizing threats. I see the horrific images and the agonizing accounts that continue to burn into our memories. I see a Christian church in Florida calling for a Quran burning. There are two groups with angry eyes and words pitted against each other not too far from where two towers fell to the ground.

There are times that I have to remind myself of what I had the courage to say in that classroom nine years ago.